Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
