I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
