She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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