How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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