Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
