You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
