hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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