Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize