i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
did you just send me my own nude
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I use my feet as sexual weapons
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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