This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
