Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
