nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
