first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
