I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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