my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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