areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
