Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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