Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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