mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
