Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
