Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
