I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
