those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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