dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
