Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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