I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
