Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
