I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
