i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You took a bar mat shot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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