So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
