I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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