We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
