end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
