You work out of a Hotel?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize