I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
