I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
