I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
