i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
