so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
