you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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