I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
