Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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