You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
