Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
