You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
