so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize