i don't like sucking hair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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