Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
