You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
