he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
