That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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