He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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