I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Drunk is not a location!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize