Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
