Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
