You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
