are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you traded sex for a burrito?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
