so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All the doctor said was why
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
