I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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