Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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