You just made me feel so damn special
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
