My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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