you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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