at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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