Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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