is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
