You made me cry and you don't even care
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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