So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
