So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
