They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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